*bursts into room showgirl style*

Hello sex pests! I know, I know…it’s been ages. I have neglected you. I am shit. Contrary to what you might think, I haven’t spent the last 5 months locked in a wine cellar. Nope, i’ve been renovating my house. Almost done now. Lots of dust. Lots of money spunked on boring things like ‘cement’ and ‘windows’ but i’m nearly there.

I thought i’d make my first blog back one on working as a successful escort, cause I know everything, right? I’ve run Elite Courtesans escort agency for FIVE YEARS. That makes me sound ancient but i’m actually only 24 in escort years (that’s 32 in traditional human years).

So here goes…

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
By which I really mean, don’t let Adultwork be your only form of marketing. Yes, it’s a good website and yes it’s made setting up as an escort easy – but there are negatives. When the website goes down (and it does), you aren’t going to get any work. I’ve seen ladies moaning on Twitter about taking the day off because Adultwork is offline. Madness. Imagine one day it doesn’t come back? I also see tweets from genuine escorts with an established Adultwork profile complaining that their page has been deleted for no apparent reason. Problems like this are worsened by the fact that the only way to contact Adultwork is via a website form (they list a company address in Belize, another in Gibraltar) which may or may not be answered. Last but not least, there are an inordinately high amount of dickheads that trawl Adultwork looking for escorts, and many wonderful punters out there that don’t use the website.

My advice – get your own website to run in tandem with Adultwork. Google the main keywords for your area (e.g escort surrey, escort in surrey, surrey escorts, guildford escorts, independent escorts in surrey) and add yourself to the directories that come up on page 1 of Google & Bing.

Get some decent photos
Woe betide the escort who tries to promote herself with crappy photos! Whether that’s a black and white close up of her left tit, a provocative school uniform pose next to a washing machine and piles of dirty laundry, or God forbid extreme close-ups of her vag. Seriously ladies, if I can diagnose your hemorrhoids from your photos, they don’t belong in the public domain. Yes you’re selling sex but it doesn’t have to be seedy, think sensual and alluring instead. Good quality photos are a must if you want good quality clients.

Take care of yourself
If you’re selling your body then bloody well look after it. Need to lose a few pounds – do it. Need a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow pluck or your teeth whitened – do it! There is a market for pretty much everyone where escorting concerned, but I can tell you with certainty that the better nick you are in, the easier you will find it to make money. And no, i’m not suggesting you go and get a pair of tits fitted that are bigger than your head. I am just suggesting that you treat what God gave you as well as you possibly can.

Your clients aren’t there to chat
I met an Elite client recently for lunch. He had been on a date with one of my girls a few days before and I asked him for his feedback. He told me that after a short period chatting, the girl stood up and proclaimed ‘I am guessing you didn’t really invite me here to chat?’ and disappeared off the bathroom. She emerged a couple of minutes later in a full stocking and suspender set with a black lacey bra and knickers. She pushed him onto the bed and promptly jumped on top of him for a deep snog before giving him, and I quote, ‘the best shag of his life’. Now THAT’S how you do it ladies. One regular customer in ze bag.

Trust no one
Or at least, be incredibly wary. Keep your personal information sacred, keep your personal life and your escorting life entirely separate, and if you are considering making friends with another escort remember jealousy and back stabbing does occur. No, I don’t hate everybody ever, there are plenty of fabulous ladies in this industry but there are some dreadful wronguns too. It’s not always easy to tell which is which. Like you would an old, frayed rope bridge over crocodile infested river, approach with caution.

Don’t take your clients for granted
If you’ve accepted a booking then be there. Don’t bore your clients with excuses about the fact that your nan died again, or your car exploded, or you’ve been admitted to hospital with a rare virus. Turn up on time, show them a great time, and don’t leave early! The escorts that make the most money have clients who book them time and time again. If you aren’t getting regulars, something is wrong.

Lose that husband or boyfriend
Not in real life of course, just as far as your clients are concerned. You’ll have to trust Aunty Suze here. Your boyfriend / recent engagement / fabulous husband should not feature anywhere in your marketing strategy. Not even during careless pillow talk.

Treat your escort business like any other
Like every other business in the world, with escorting you get out what you put in. Provide a high level of customer service, be organised and market yourself well (advertising may not always be free). Look at what else is on offer in your area and do one better.

Invest in your future
There is a very high chance that if you have the right look, the right personality AND you manage your escort business well, you will never come close to earning the sort of money you do as an escort again in your life. I’m not going to go into figures of what’s possible, but it’s rather a lot. I’ve written before about not pissing your money away on shite. Invest in the future. Pay off your debts. Buy a house. Live mortgage free. Travel the world. Put your kids through private school. Don’t squander it basically. If you start doing that, you’ll never get out.

Loose lips sink ships
Keep your chosen profession to yourself. Don’t tell anybody unless you absolutely have to, for example so they can check you in and out of bookings. Think carefully about showing your face in photos. You may not care what people think now, but that could all change in the future. Remember – you do not need to show your face to make lots of money.

So there you have it. Ten important tips in no particular order. I could probably write for days on the subject but those are the most important things that come to mind. Keeping safe is obviously a big part of being successful – after all, you can’t make loads of money if you’re dead – and you can read a separate blog on that here.

x x

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