It’s almost a year since I got in touch with Elite, for what turned out to be one of the best experiences in my life. Meeting Suzy and becoming an escort, meeting clients and being a guest in their world has enriched my life in incredible ways. Yes, we turn to escorting when money is tight, people don’t automatically consider that path as a first option when financial trouble threatens a balanced existence. I remember googling things like selling an egg , organ trades, etc. When you need money urgently , selling one of your eggs is not a quick solution. Escorting is a very stigmatised path, and it is stigmatised because people are in the dark about it. People have no information about it, no real information, anyway. They have their biases and prejudices. Most of these views are borrowed from their families, communities and society, because sadly, very few people delay judgement till they experience something first. We all have our biases and prejudices about certain aspects, but one aspect that is universally stigmatised and viewed negatively is sex work. 

I work in the social field anyway and have been trained to work with vulnerable people, from addicts to offenders, to sex workers , however, escorting never really crossed my mind  when I was looking for solutions for my difficulties. Until one night in January, after reaching a desperate point with expenses and debt, a thought floated in my mind: ‘’ how about escorting?’’. Light bulb moment. Elite Courtesans website was what impressed me most, it looked professional, well maintained and serious. I loved Suzy’s blog and the fact that Suzy was not a man 😊. The immediate vibe I got from it was that you were in good hands, both as an Elite representative and as a client. So I contacted them, and my wonderful journey started.

Suzy was very informative and reassuring, she was professional and knowledgeable when I met her for our interview.  But nothing prepares you for your first client.

Many months passed and many lessons were learnt, through various experiences with men of all walks of life (but also, from fellow Elite ladies). I have put together a little list of lessons that my clients have taught me, maybe there is something here that can be useful at times. Discard what doesn’t work . I will not be offended.

Lessons from clients were:

Men that contact us share one common characteristic: they suffer from loneliness and lack of meaningful connection with a significant other. Yes, some may have children with whom they share wonderful times, but yet, as men, they feel disconnected, sometimes underappreciated by their spouse if they have one. So when they meet us, at some point through the relationship, it would be good to focus on what experience do we offer them, aside from sex? Does this man feel better after interacting with me? Does he feel listened to? Are you displaying curiosity about him, are you inviting conversations or do you make it all about you? Yes, they will want to discover you, they will be curious about your origin , your life outside Elite etc, but ultimately, this experience that they generously pay for is for them to enjoy, for them to feel special and for them to want more of. This doesn’t mean that you should be very submissive and secretive, or act as a robot. It means work your charms to return the conversation to the client, remain slightly mysterious, leave them guessing. Elicit from them neutral topics like travel, sports, arts, etc  and definitely don’t invade a client’s private life if he is showing signs that he would rather not go there. We are entertainers indirectly (we don’t bring monkeys and create a small circus for the clients), but we are there to make the client feel special. A clever anecdote, a good joke, some trivia, some sports knowledge here and there, help to create a fun date.

If you have a job, you will prepare for it, everyday. You don’t just turn up (ok, there will be some days when you just turn up and hope for the best), but escorting is not one of those jobs. Yes, you prepare for a date physically. Yes, you wear your best clothes and your sexiest lingerie, prepare your instruments, but do you do your emotional preparation, too? How do you set your mood for the date? If you had a bad day at your day job, if you found out some bad news an hour before your date, what do you? How do you manage that? Working in a social care field has helped me here, but having some mental preparation is what works all the time. I usually like to be alone when I get ready for my date, no partner, no animal, no kid, no phone calls for an hour. In that time, I visualise myself and my date in a bubble that is impermeable, nothing can impact the two hours that we have together. If time allows, I may even meditate or sit quietly for 10 minutes, listening to some guided meditation videos on how to calm your mind. When I drive to a client, I allow 10 minutes of the journey to be spent on me thinking of the pressing bad news or the stressful day, but when the 10 minutes are up, I turn the music on and wear the good mood like you would wear a coat. You have to put it on. Clients don’t want negative, grumpy, pensive, dissociative dates. Seriously. We must protect our clients from our problems, they are not theirs to know. Also, some older clients who may automatically slip into the parenting role (ask me about Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis if you need more info), will be curious and want to rescue us or advise us or jump to solutions, but remember, if you already shared part of that with your client , simply thank him for his advice and quickly tip toe out of that conversation.

This is a difficult one to juggle, especially if a client becomes a regular and conversations become less formal , boundaries blur. Some clients who have lost their carer role (for example, their kids left home, partner died, client is retired), will want to be useful, will want to help you, will want to offer a solution and temporarily gain that rescuer role,  but there is always a price to pay. In my view, in their eyes, we should always remain slightly mysterious, like a puzzle you’re not bored of after knowing all its pieces.

There is no loyalty in this game. Sorry ladies. There really isn’t. No matter what your dates tell you, no matter what they promise you, you will be replaced. It’s part of the game. It is here that you need to have a very strong sense of self. It’s not because of you. It’s nothing to do with your humanely imperfections. No matter who you are, the client has no obligation to be exclusive. Men are curious about what’s on the market. They will want to try all the flavours of the ice cream in the display. And why not? Wouldn’t you? When they promise you they will book you again and again, smile and remember that it’s unwise to expect that. But smile anyway. If they do book you again and again, that’s fantastic. If they don’t and you have taken their words for it, you’ll have made a beautiful cocktail with the following ingredients: jealousy  and possessiveness, disappointment and bitterness, and … self doubt. Yuck!! All that could be avoided if you keep your mind clear and you remember the rules of the game. Take it all with a pinch of salt. And smile.

There will be new girls who become flavour of the month. They will be praised and praised.  They will have excellent availability and a more urgent need for cash. So inevitably, they will prioritise dates, far or close. Which means their names will be mentioned  and they will appear to be promoted more. Don’t worry. You haven’t been forgotten . Some men prefer blondes. Some don’t. Some like big boobs. Some like big bums. Some like long hair, some don’t.  Some people can only afford this a few times a year. Some periods can be busy and some can be super quiet. Don’t assume it’s something you’re not doing right. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you.  It’s important to re-calibrate your thoughts and remain anchored in your context. Remind yourself why you chose this path, ask yourself if you can handle it and what are your weaknesses. Is it competitiveness? Is it a feeling of inadequacy? Do you feel you’re good enough?

Your sense of self should not depend on your bookings and always remember, clients are men. They are clients not partners. That says it all. And… they are men. Men with money who want to try all the flavours and experience all there is to experience. It is not about you, here. It’s the game .

When you’re off for whatever reasons, stay off. Stay off the  twitter, stay off the spying. You have the responsibility to rest. To meet your friends. To nurture other relationships in your life. Read the books (not only the ones from the clients, but the ones you choose), have fun, travel. Your presence in the industry is not eternal. One day, your circumstances will change. Maybe your relationship status will be in conflict with your path, maybe you’ll relocate abroad, maybe you’ll simply want to try something else, or maybe you’ll be fed up. Maybe your health won’t allow you to do this. Maybe you’ll win the lottery (we need a back up plan for this, though). Like everything in life, it’s a temporary stage. Make the most of it and enjoy the game. Know the rules.

Federica x

Want to learn more about the scrumptious and sensational Federica? Visit her page here.