Suspended Twitter Account

I’ve woken up this morning to find our Twitter account has been suspended. No idea why as yet, but I have emailed support to find out what’s going on.

We’ve been tweeting for 8 years and, as far as I can work out, we haven’t violated any Twitter rules so hopefully this will be short lived suspension.

Meanwhile, I will be tweeting from my personal twitter @BigSuzyM with agency updates…unless of course they kill that one too.

So this is just  heads up – I know a lot of you follow the agency on Twitter.

If you are rightly outraged by this injustice, feel free to protest outside Twitter HQ (or whatever).

Suzy x

UPDATE 21/12:

It’s back! Thank you Twitter.

Some snivelling cock-womble must have complained about our profile picture (the three arses of Taylor, Jessica and Daniella).


New Rates from September 2016

Hello chaps. Not sure what to call this post really so I think i’ll go with a polite notice.

As you are aware, Elite Courtesans has been operating for just shy of a decade now, and in that time we have never raised our rates, despite constantly raising both our standards and the quality of the ladies we represent.

Lisa and I are confident that we run one of the best agencies in the UK, both inside and outside of London, and we feel that in order to keep bringing you the very best escorts we need to be a little more competitive from their point of view.

As you know the ladies spend a small fortune on the finest lingerie, treat you like a king for the 2/3/4/12 hours you book them, travel long distances often late into the night and still find time to hold down wonderful daytime careers. They pay their commission to us (which is very reasonable I should add), their tax to the HMRC, shed loads of fuel VAT to the Chancellor and we want to make sure they are left with a decent amount in their pocket at the end of each month. After all, we don’t want them running off to agencies that charge you six million pounds per hour.

So from 1st September 2016, our charging structure will be as follows. As you can see, it’s a modest increase but one that will make a big difference to the girls over each month:

2 hours – £400
3 hours – £550
4 hours – £700
5 hours – £850
Overnight (12 hours) – £1300

Bookings with couples (as in kinky husbands and wives) will still attract an additional £50 fee on top of the above.

Duo, trio etc bookings, will still be two times, three times and above rates and so on.

Payments are still to be made in cash to the girls at the start of each booking. And Lisa and I will be reminding everyone of the rate increase for bookings made from 1st September onwards.

Any questions? Please ask. Any comments? Please let me know.

Suzy x

Prostitution, the Law and the UK

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There have been some BIG rumblings in the world of sex work recently. In fact, in the whole time I have been involved in this industry, both as a sex worker and as an agency owner, right now seems to be a time of potential change – people are sitting up and taking notice. Why? What’s happening? Let me explain.

In June last year, Northern Ireland made the purchase of sex a criminal offence, something at odds with the rest of the UK. The lawmakers in NI decided that this would shift the burden of criminality from sex workers to their clients. Their hope was that by making the customer the criminal, demand would be reduced.

This new law, which paid no attention to the viewpoints of sex workers themselves, has turned out to be ill-thought and dangerous. By criminalising the buyers, the law makers in Northern Ireland have made it much harder for sex workers to keep themselves safe, while not significantly reducing the demand for their services. Customers who would previously have handed over their personal information to facilitate security checks, will no longer do so. Customers who used traceable mobile phones, will no longer do so. They will not use email or bookings forms. Customers no longer feel safe using Adultwork – a website that allows them to gain reviews, so sex workers know they have behaved respectably with their colleagues. Men understandably no longer want to risk being traced, and so the law is driving the industry underground.

These men still come for sex, but the providers now have no idea who they are dealing with. They are opening their doors completely blind to what awaits them. Worse still, it’s a law that the PSNI do not have the resources to actually Police, meaning very few arrests have been made anyway. It is a thoroughly dangerous waste of time.

I guess we mustn’t forget that these are the same law makers who would rather Irish women haemorrhage away their unwanted pregnancy in the toilet of an easy-jet plane from Liverpool to Belfast, than give them access to safe and legal abortion services in their own country. Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that they have passed a law which sits well with their religious zealotry, while putting women in physical danger. Anyway, I digress.

Northern Ireland isn’t the only country to adopt the ‘Sex Buyer Law’, otherwise known as the Nordic Model. This law can also be seen in Sweden, Norway, Iceland and very recently, France. The women trying to make ends meet as sex workers in all these countries are in my thoughts frequently – it must be a terrifying.

Back to Britain, and campaigners are now trying to get the same law passed here. The so called ‘End Demand’ campaigners and their prohibitionist supporters (antis) are a funny bunch: viewing the industry as entirely exploitative, referring to customers as rapists, and vastly inflating trafficking and forced prostitution statistics. They cite research based predominantly on street based prostitution, an unquestionably dangerous yet small part of the industry in the UK, in an effort to criminalize all buyers of sex.

Despite an overwhelming number of sex workers telling the antis that they work consensually and that their clients are generally nice guys, sex workers are being ignored, silenced, ridiculed or accused of ulterior motives. The antis trot out cherry-picked testimonies from supposed former prostitutes speaking of the horrors they encountered that, for anyone working within the industry, seem one-sided and in some cases, downright lies. It’s quite astonishing and needs highlighting: prohibitionist campaigners, many of whom claim to be feminists, speak over and not for sex workers. Frankly, the whole campaign is bizarre and if it succeeds, will endanger far more women than it protects.

So what is the legal situation over here? Firstly and most importantly, the selling and buying of sex is NOT illegal in Britain, unless it is done on the street or in a public place. It only becomes illegal if the person selling sex is under 18 or is forced into doing so. The law in this regard is good and proper and right. Under-age or forced prostitution is rape and should always be punished. If a customer has any doubts whether a girl is over 18 or working consensually, he should leave and make a report to the Police.

The above notwithstanding, some activities relating to sex work are illegal in Britain. Brothel-keeping is the obvious one. It is illegal, in Britain, for two or more women to work together in a house or flat. If they do, they can be arrested and charged. This is perhaps the most dangerous aspect of current British legislation. Incalls – where the customer visits the sex worker – are already a high risk encounter, so the law makers insisting a sex worker MUST open her door to that customer on her own, and have no one else is the premises as a backup, is thoroughly damaging and has resulted in many women being subjected to a violent and terrifying end. It is a law that needs urgent review and decriminalisation.

What about Elite and other escort agencies? Technically, because I run an agency I could be arrested, charged and find myself in crown court, falling foul of the same laws that are there to protect the trafficked and coerced women referred to earlier from violent, abusive and manipulative pimps. According to the CPS website, my prison sentence could range from 26 weeks to 2 years.

The ladies I represent, who range in age from their twenties to their fifties, come from all sorts of backgrounds. Many are mothers seeking to supplement their income by seeing a few customers a week. I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog: I have represented nurses, teachers, soldiers, PAs, accountants and anything and everything in between. The women I represent are hard-working entrepreneurs. Sex is a commodity they are happy to sell, and for the most part they enjoy their job, just as I do. Sure there’s the odd stinky bastard that gets you questioning the work, and sometimes all you really want to do is cancel your booking, stay in, put your feet up and watch X Factor, but you get on with it just like any other job. Every year all us Elite ladies get together and have a Christmas party, just like you do in your job. We eat, drink far too much wine, talk bollocks and make fools of ourselves on the dance floor. We all have a good little thing going on at Elite and many of the ladies have been with me, entirely consensually, for years. Since Elite started trading in 2007, the company has paid hundreds of thousands of pounds into the Crown’s coffers in corporation tax and VAT.

I want to stress this point: while there are undoubtedly women who find this industry tough and do the job out of sheer desperation, there are many more of us that don’t give a second thought about having sex with strangers for cash. We don’t see our job as any different to how you see your job. It’s a means to an end and it doesn’t damage us. Being told by people who have no understanding of us or our work that we are being raped and exploited sits somewhere between laughable and thoroughly insulting. Not only that, it’s damaging to women who really are experiencing those things. Our customers are, on the whole, pleasant, kind and respectful. Contrary to the harm figures peddled by the antis, in 10 years and thousands upon thousands of bookings, I have never ever had a lady abused (verbally or physically), assaulted or raped by a customer. The reason for this, I am certain, is because I am able to vet our customers. Customers who mean my ladies no harm can hand over their personal details and proof of ID to me without fear of prosecution. If you take away my ability to vet potential customers, you take away my ability to keep the ladies safe.

Despite the fact that the government’s refusal to decriminalise escort agencies works in my favour by keeping competition low and poor quality, I would love to see the law changed. Why? Well, while there are other well-run agencies like mine out there, there are of course bad agencies too. The bad, often male, agency bosses who like to ‘try out the goods’, ferry girls to and from bookings through the night and encourage them to take drugs. If you want to weed these fuckers out, the ones who really do exploit women, decriminalise the industry. No amount of criminalisation will get rid of them. They are, after all, criminals.

It’s really tough for sex workers to speak out in favour of the industry that feeds us, clothes us and pays our bills. To go public, we risk shame and stigma. And what about our children in the school playground? Generally, we keep quiet and keep our heads down. A few brave ladies are speaking out though, and one of particular note is sex worker Laura Lee who, quite incredibly, is battling the Irish law makers in the high court. Laura is funding this action herself, and I would urge all sex workers and their clients to consider donating to her cause: I have not donated, as I have noted that the anti campaigners are constantly and rather slanderously accusing Laura of being funded by pimps. We’ve already established that the antis are a bunch of fucking idiots, and while I don’t see myself as a pimp, they will, so I cannot donate to Laura and give them further ammunition.

Another very important thing to do is to email your MP and register your support for the full decriminalisation of sex work: Prostitution laws are being discussed by a home affairs select committee right now, and we must make our voices heard. We must make them understand that no amount of criminalisation will stop the sex industry, and that all they will succeed in doing by passing the Sex Buyer Law is sending more of us to an early grave. Please please send your MP an email.

If you’ve stumbled across this blog and you’re not involved in the sex industry as a worker or customer, I urge you to support this cause anyway: donate to Laura and email your MP. There’s a very good chance someone you know and love is a sex worker. We are everywhere, and we are incredibly good at hiding what we do from everyone around us. Please help us to stay safe.

Further reading:

A Lady of a Certain Age

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood – Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

Women get a hard time when it comes to age. It seems that nowadays we are past our prime if we are over 25, pushing it when we get over 30 and God knows what the deal is when we get to 40. May as well chuck us in a skip. The whole world wide women fight aging with snake oils, creams, injections, fillers and surgery. Growing old naturally may soon be a thing of the past. And it’s hardly any wonder, with the pressure heaped on us to stay wrinkle-free, skinny and keep our tits up under our noses for as long as possible.

Why am I talking about age in this blog? I suspect there is an assumption when it comes to the sex industry that firstly, all the punters seek very young women (say 18-25), and secondly, that to be be a sex worker with any real success you have to be ‘young’. So my purpose with this blog is to tell you that this assumption is wrong. Very wrong in fact.

As Britain’s Premier Madam (a title I have admittedly awarded myself), I can tell you with absolute honesty that I would have a great deal of difficulty finding work for an 18 year old. A 21 year old would also prove tough. In fact, for every lady I have ever employed under the age of say 23/24, I have spent many hours on the phone to clients trying to justify why they should consider seeing someone so young.

Why might that be you wonder? Well, contrary to how you may view the average user of prostitutes, the age range of whom tends to be mid forties to mid sixties, they are overwhelmingly normal chaps many of whom aren’t too keen on the idea of fucking a girl young enough to be their daughter or even…gulp…granddaughter. They also aren’t too keen on spending hours in the company of a woman so much younger than them that they have nothing in common, no shared interests and nothing to talk about. For an escort – client meeting to be a success, there needs to be a connection, which in turns relies heavily on some shared life experiences.

As Lisa and I have grown older, and as Elite Courtesans has grown older, we have adopted a policy of not employing girls under 21 at all. And anyone under the age of say 24/25 really needs to show a certain level of maturity beyond her years. Not trying to be patronizing here, but we’ve all been that age and remember feeling like we knew everything, when in fact, we still knew very little. Personally, at age 36 I am only recently started to feel that I know myself and the world properly. But maybe that’s just me. I always was a slow learner.

At our agency and catering to our client base (which is really quite large), the most popular ladies have tended to be over the age of 28 with my three all-time most popular escorts to date being over 40. My explanation for this is the older and more experienced us humans get, the better we understand other humans. And in this industry, the better we understand other humans and can empathise with them, the more successful we will be.

So if you are a lady 30 plus, 40 plus or even 50 plus and are thinking, am I too told to be an escort? No, you’re not. I dare say there is work for you whatever your age, though we may be getting into some sketchy niche stuff eventually. But hey, if it pays the bills, who really cares?

Suzy x

* I nicked the title to this blog from one of the most beautiful and mesmerising songs ever written. Have a listen.

Taking Application Photos

You’ve reached this page as you want to apply for a job at Elite Courtesans (excellent choice). The photos you submit at the application stage are VERY important and will make the difference between you being interviewed for one of the best paid jobs of your life, or your application being sent to the recycle bin.

Pleeeease take time to get these photos right. We are not interested in your holiday pics from Zante ’97, photos of you sat on your pet horse or selfies from a nightclub toilet. We also don’t want to see close ups of your arse or any other part of your anatomy.

Here are our guidelines on what we want, and what we don’t want. Please read them carefully.


  • Photos taken purely for your Elite Courtesans application, either by yourself in front of a mirror, or taken by a friend (fib and say they are for something else).
  • Photos taken in natural daylight.
  • Photos that are clear and not blurred.
  • Photos taken against a plain, uncluttered wall.
  • You should be wearing two piece lingerie and heels with your midriff and face showing. Hold ups optional.
  • You should be standing in your photos, though one face shot would be appreciated.
  • Do put on make up (not too much) and style your hair. Show us how you would look during a booking.
  • Send photos in a few poses – you can use the photos on our site for posing inspiration.


  • Professional photos that have been retouched.
  • Fully clothed photos.
  • Photos where your face cannot be clearly seen.
  • Photos that were taken more than a month ago.
  • Photos taken in artificial light (these always make you look terrible).
  • Group photos of you and your mates (which one are you??)
  • Poor quality photos either from a webcam, crap camera or taken in dim light.
  • Photos in poses other than standing.

Below are some pretty much spot on pictures and these are the type you should be sending in. We have cropped the forward facing shots for discretion – your shots, however, MUST include your face.

Good Escort Photos

If you are reading this and thinking, I am not sure I am slim/attractive/fit enough to join, we strongly urge you to do your best with the photos and apply anyway. What do you have to lose? Our discretion is guaranteed and your photos will not be seen by anyone else.

We look forward to receiving your application!

Any questions before applying? Don’t hesitate to give us a ring.

Suzy & Lisa x

Prostitution, Drugs & Guns

I read somewhere that the most profitable business models tend to be those that involve the most risk; for example prostitution, drugs and guns. I can certainly attest to the financial rewards of prostitution. And while I have no doubt there is serious money to be made in drugs and guns, those business models are surely not as easy to realise.

I mean, i’ve got no idea how much a few kilos of cocaine and an array of other Class A narcotics would set you back, but I am guessing: not cheap. Similarly, a crate of AK47s must leave a big dent in your wallet…and that’s before you consider shipping costs and the perils of dealing with bat-shit-mental African dictators. But nowadays, a woman with an ounce of common sense can take some nice pictures in front of a mirror, create herself a free Adultwork profile and be earning a perfectly legal wage in no time. Isn’t prostitution brilliant?

Of course, when it comes to prostitution, there are different business models within the business itself. The woman I have referred to above setting up on Adultwork is going to do alright. If she’s attractive, intelligent and good at her job, she’ll probably earn the national wage or a bit higher and she will do so with very little outlay (she’ll need condoms, nice underwear, a sat nav and fuel in her car). But if that same woman wants to start making serious money, then she needs to approach her business a whole lot differently.

Now I reckon (know) it’s possible to earn an incredible prostitution wage with an initial outlay of about £1500. It is possible, in my experience, to earn many many times that initial outlay and live a very comfortable life indeed. Prostitution has to be one of the only business models in the world where such high earnings are possible – and so quickly – off such a small investment. I have set up and run several other ‘normal’ businesses, and typically they take thousands and thousands of pounds of your money initially while taking years to turn a profit (if ever).

So what is this initial investment? Why, professional photos of course! Which you then place on a well-established and well-run agency website. Here at Elite we send the girls to a trusted photographer in London who we know takes awesome photos that never fail to pull in the punters. Actually, the photos themselves cost between £600 & £800, but I am allowing a bit more for travel expenses to London, plus lingerie and outfit costs.

When a potential new lady comes for an interview at Elite, I explain our process as thus: we will add you a profile to the website with a few of your amateur shots. These shots will get you only a few jobs (many chaps searching at the more expensive end aren’t keen on amateur pics), and those few jobs will allow you to firstly make sure you enjoy the work, and most importantly will fund your photoshoot.

It’s very important, I tell them, not to squander the money you earn from those first few jobs on anything else and to put it to one side for the photos. If you have debts, don’t be tempted to plough the money into them. Hold back, save the cash for the photoshoot and once it’s been done, then start dealing with your debts. With professional photos, a good work ethic and the right attitude, money will be regular and plentiful. Without professional photos, work will quickly stop and you will get nowhere.

I am pleased to say that almost all of the ladies that cross my path listen to me. Some even go straight for the shoot without wasting what they see as valuable time on the initial few jobs. Either way, all these ladies are ambitious, driven and intelligent. They understand a business takes investment, and honestly, this is a very small investment in the grand scheme of things.

Every now and then though I come across someone who despite agreeing to the photo shoot during the interview, fights tooth and nail against it and spends the little bit of money I am able to send their way elsewhere, missing the point of everything. These women usually have ‘a friend’ who can do them photos for free. Nowadays I refuse these friend-taken photos point blank, but when I used to accept them they were always and without fail shit in comparison to all the other ladies’ photos on the website. Unsurprising really, as they are taken by some of the best glamour photographers in the business.

It’s very frustrating and invariably, these ladies disappear very quickly. So I thought I would write this blog and link to it from our recruitment page so future Elite ladies understand how they should approach their new venture. You have to be ambitious and business-minded to come and work for Elite Courtesans – it is definitely not a place for women who lack either of these qualities.

Of course, it would be remiss of me to suggest that good photos are the be all and end all. While they will get you the initial work, your attitude is what will see you through long term. Regular customers are your life-blood as a prostitute and I will be writing a separate blog on that soon.

Suzy x

Scam Escort Agency – London’s Leading Ladies

I’m getting mightily fucked off with other escort agencies nicking our pictures. Last night I ended up calling London’s Leading Ladies escort agency to ask them to remove Taylor and Eve’s pictures from their website. Despite Taylor and Eve being two entirely different girls with different bodies, faces and massively differently sized boobs, London’s Leading Ladies, or more accurately the pissed up old witch that answered the phone, swore blind the pictures belonged to her girl Nina and she’d seen the unblurred originals.

Oh do fuck off, love.

Screenshot of stealing content.

I’ve asked her to take them down but chances are she won’t. So my time will now be wasted emailing the web hosting company to take them down and also filing a DCMA report with Google to get the offending pages removed from their search engine. As you can imagine, i’ve got much better things to do with my time, for example watching my back catalogue of Colin Farrell movies and wanking.

Thought i’d publish this post so people searching escort agency will find this page and realise they shouldn’t book any of their girls. If Nina is using stolen pics, the others probably are too. Tweets I found searching Twitter last night suggest Taylor and Eve are not the first escorts London’s Leading Ladies have pinched from. Classic bait and switch: shady bastards.

Do Sugar Daddy websites really work?

Anyone who follows me on Twitter will have seen me ranting about Sugar Daddy websites recently. After years of interviewing girls who had first tried and failed to make any money from Sugar Daddy websites, I thought I would give it a try.

I went into this experiment with an open mind. I pushed all the stories of girls being manipulated into having ‘free’ sex with men who claimed to be wealthy to the back of my mind. I even brushed aside the supremely naive 22 year year old girl who had sobbed to me over lunch that she had felt violated after meeting a 50 something Sugar Daddy, being pressurised into degrading sex and walking away with nothing but a free lunch and a bottle of perfume.

She was young and stupid and I am not. I figured, if anyone can make it work on one of these sites, it has to be me with my vast experience of ‘managing’ men seeking sex in exchange for money, right?


The very first thing that became apparent to me after signing up as a fully paid member to several of these websites is that vast majority of men there are simply not prepared to pay for sex at all. Sure, they want sex. That’s the reason they are there. And they want it with women much younger and much more beautiful than themselves. But they ain’t paying. So how do they get this free sex with women so obviously out of their reach? They pretend to be wealthy, they offer dinners and stays in nice hotels, they offer to spoil you with gifts. All entirely useless of course. None of these things will pay your bills.

Now anyone who has been involved in the escort industry either as a worker or a client knows this: it is, by and large, an honest transaction. Often, like the ‘Sugar Daddies’, escort clients (punters) are seeking sex with younger, beautiful women. Like Sugar Daddies, punters realise they need to pay for it. However, here is where the two groups of men differ. Rather than manipulate girls into fucking them, punters agree monetary rates in advance for a certain number of hours, book a hotel (very often a nice one), and pay the girl in cash up front. Gifts are not unusual. Dinner is not unsual. Even tips are not unsual. Punters are absolute fucking saints in comparison!

I received hundreds and hundreds of messages on the Sugar Daddy websites (my pics are hot). Each time I replied that I was a seeking a financial arrangement and I suggested one overnight a week, for say £3,000 a month. That would put my overnight rate at £750. Frankly, a fucking bargain! Responses varied from ‘sorry I don’t need to pay for sex’ to ‘the most I can pay a month is £700’ and the cringeworthy ‘let’s meet for dinner and then maybe after I can try out the goods before committing?’

Of those hundreds and hundreds of messages, I got only a couple from men I felt were possibly genuine and who claimed to be prepared to pay the sort of money I was after. Here is where the hard work started. On giving these few men my phone number, I was bombarded with whatsapp messages and phone calls. Dinners were arranged, but of course these men wanted more than that. Regular contact, daily phones chats in which they talked to me like I was their girlfriend (i’d not met or earned a penny out of them yet). This is in stark contrast to the traditional escort/client relationship where there is little communication between paid time.

It did my head in. Experiment was terminated at that point. Life is too fucking short. 3K a month was not enough, if indeed I was ever going to see a penny.

Here is the reality of it all. If you want to earn good money in exchange for companionship and sex, forget Sugar Daddy websites. By signing up to them you are already trying to prostitute yourself, so for God’s sake do it properly and sign up to an agency like mine, or even get yourself on Adultwork (assuming you have the nouse to look after yourself). If you are smart and attractive, you can expect to earn several thousand plus every month as an escort. I can guarantee you will NEVER earn anything like that from a Sugar Daddy website, if indeed you earn anything at all. If one of my girls spent 6 months dicking around on Sugar Daddy websites rather than working as an escort, I would estimate they’d suffer a financial loss of anywhere in the region of £30,000 – £50,000. Be smart, ladies.

If you have found this blog while considering signing up to a Sugar Daddy website, my advice to you is to switch your business brain on and get away from this thick celebrity inspired bullshit of bagging yourself a rich boyfriend to rinse so you can do fuck all, all day. Wealth comes with hard work.

What Type of Women Become Escorts?

I’ve been meaning to write this blog FOREVER, really to highlight the incredible variety of ladies that enter sex work. I’m sick of reading on punter forums how sex workers are all council flat dwelling single-mums, or that women over 30 are too old to be successful at this work (My Granny The Escort, anyone?). I also hate to read how women must be ‘desperate’ to enter sex work. It’s just not the reality for many women working in the UK, who see prostitution as a great way to earn a fabulous wage.

I have taken the information below from data held about every girl that has ever been represented by Elite Courtesans since 2007 (94 of them to be exact). This fails to take into account the thousand plus applicants we have turned away over the years. As I didn’t interview those girls, it’s hard to know what information on their application was genuine.

What motivates women to become sex workers?

Same as the motivation for pretty much all employment: money.

Companionship, travel and kink are all secondary in comparison to the money. Some ladies have accumulated debt they need to clear, some want a deposit for a house or to clear their mortgage, some want to put their children through private school, some want money to travel the world or to fund their new business and some just need to make ends meet. When the money motivator disappears, so does the lady.

What’s the typical age of a sex worker?

There isn’t one. There are women working at 18 and there are women working in their 60s, 70s and 80s. It’s worth noting that we haven’t represented ladies under 21 since 2009, and that for a long time we didn’t tend to represent ladies over 35. A big mistake on our part, since ladies 35+ have turned out to be our most popular. At this point in time if a hot 45 year applied and I liked her, she’d get the job just as easily as a 25 year old. And she’d command the same rates.

Here are the ages of ladies we have represented:

Age 18-21: 14 or 14.89%
Age 22-25: 40 or 42.55%
Age 26-29: 17 or 18.08%
Age 30-34: 15 or 15.95%
Age 35-45: 8 or 8.51%

Are all sex workers unemployed and broke?

If they’re sex workers they can’t be unemployed, because sex work is a job. Generally though, it is a secondary job, or at least it was for over 85% of the women I have represented. Here are the top primary occupations of the women that have worked via Elite:

Student: 18 or 19.14%
Only Escorting: 14 or 14.89%
Office Work: 13 or 13.82%
Nurse: 7 or 7.44%
Lapdancer: 5 or 5.31%
Marketing: 4 or 4.25%
Flight Crew: 4 or 4.25%
Accounts/Finance: 3 or 3.19%
Glamour Model: 3 or 3.19%
Armed Forces: 2 or 2.12%
Teacher: 2 or 2.12%

When I went through my records and remembered the ladies that we have represented, I was struck with just how varied their primary occupations were. Not included in the above list is a pastry chef, a legal exec, a paramedic, an estate agent, a lady that ran a cleaning business, a social worker and a journalist.

Do sex workers need to look a certain way?

Nope. Though obviously it helps to be well groomed and slimmer girls will find it easier than bigger girls to make money (we won’t go over a UK size 12 unless the girl is very tall). White girls tend to be more popular than black girls, blondes more so than brunettes, and in the UK having English as a first language is a big bonus. While busty women are most popular, boob size isn’t quite as important as you’d think it might be, and as i’ve already mentioned above, neither is age. Irregardless, i’ve looked into tits anyway!

Of the 94 ladies that worked for us, 24 had an enhanced bust, so that’s 25%. The most common bust size overall was 34C, with 18 ladies or 19% wearing that size bra, followed by 34D with 10 ladies or 11%. Bust size however has varied from A cup to a whopping FF!

Are all sex workers single?

I have had many married women and women with long-term partners on my books – a large percentage overall. Very rarely does the woman try and hide their work from their partner, so the vast majority work with their partner’s blessing.

Of course, no escort in her right mind should tell you her marital status or turn up wearing her wedding ring. I’ve lost count of the amount of clients that have told me during bookings that they wouldn’t want to meet a girl who was attached in the real world. You can come up with the reasons for that yourself.

A gross misunderstanding surrounding sex workers seems to be the assumption that they MUST be single, because who would want them? As a sex worker, and knowing many sex workers, I can tell you finding men who accept your job is not an issue.


So there you have it – the facts. It seems apt to post this blog around International Women’s Day, because generally, the women I meet in the sex industry are some of the most amazing women I encounter in life, full stop. It takes a big pair of bollocks to make the jump into sex work, and it takes hard work and determination to be a real success. I know women who have made hundreds of thousands of pounds being smart in an industry that threatens shame, alienation and even criminalisation if their true profession were to come out. Sex workers are by and large entrepreneurs, not desperados, and if you’re the sort of woman who scoffs that you’d rather scrub toilets than become a prostitute, my view is this: more fool you!

Suzy x

Be Excellent To Each Other

I can say hand on heart that currently, I work with the best team of ladies I have ever done. Sure, great ladies have worked with me in the past, but never before has everyone in the team been so damn good. The current Elite ladies are so brilliantly customer focused that every morning my inbox is full of praise; they genuinely all strive to be the best at what they do. And the most wonderful thing is, there’s no low self esteem fuelled drama and bitchiness. Narcissism – a big problem this time last year – is at an all time low. It’s fair to say that the 2013 Christmas party is going to be fun, even more fun than last year if that’s possible. I hope not to pass out and piss myself (no promises).

But being in this industry as an agent and speaking with as many clients as I do, I occasionally hear from those who have grievances with ladies outside of my agency. Sometimes they ask for my help, other times they just want to share what has happened. In the last month or so, I have heard three complaints from three very upset men about girls taking money without providing a service. In two of the cases we are talking about thousands of pounds. Over the years i’ve heard many, many more.

Just as it angers me when clients rip off escorts, it angers me equally when escorts do the same back. When I meet a potential Elite Courtesan for an interview, I always remind her that the gents are not there to chat (or very very few are). So if you get to the end of a booking and all you’ve done is talk, you’re probably a bit of charlatan. Similarly, if you’re poorly during the booking and leave early, or spend the booking hiding in the bathroom then you walk out without giving the client his money back, you’re being incredibly dishonest. Forget all this ‘oh i’ll give you a freebie next time babe’, JUST GIVE THE GUY HIS MONEY BACK.

But the pièce de résistance: if you take thousands off a client for a weekend away – as happened in two of these cases according to the gents – and that never materialises because your nan died, your cat got stuck up a tree or whatever, it stands to reason that as a decent human being the first thing you do is give the money back. If you don’t, you’re a fraudster and a cunt.

In an ideal United Kingdom, where prostitution was entirely legal and punters were not viewed as morally reprehensible, a client could have recourse through the courts for the above. But currently I dare say very few men would consider taking that action, so escorts who obtain money by deception get away with it.

My advice gents is this, if a lady takes your money without providing a service: write a review. Write reviews on Captain69, Punterlink and Punternet. Keep it factual, honest and calm. By keeping it reasonable it’s more likely to be published and more likely to believed. Many guys I speak to say they are worried about reprisals if they write a negative review. In almost all cases you are being paranoid and shouldn’t let it put you off. If my agency received a bad review, all I would do is either write an apology or a rebuttal. I wouldn’t employ a team of henchman to break your legs.

But really it should never get to that. Firstly because if any of my ladies took money without providing a service it would be given back to the client. And secondly because all of my ladies view their work as a business, and understand that scamming people gets you a quick buck now but leaves you floundering later. That client will never book you again, and repeat clients are the lifeblood of your business. You really have to be terribly thick not to work that out.

Gentlemen, Your Willies!

I’m going to cut right to the chase with this blog fellas: if you’re the sort of guy who doesn’t think having a good wash is essential before meeting an escort, we don’t want you as a customer. I don’t mean spraying a bit of Old Spice down your kecks either. I mean clothes off, in the shower, naked with soap rubbed everywhere.

You see we are happy with a lot of things. You don’t look like Brad Pitt? No problem (though if you do please call and ask to book Suzy). You’re socially awkward/incredibly shy? No problem. You’re overweight? No problem. You’re old enough to be our grandfather? No problem. But turning up to a booking in the same suit you’ve been wearing all day, with your cock and balls stinking of piss? PROBLEM.

Most clients make one hell of an effort before meeting an escort and it’s very much appreciated. The ladies themselves spend no less than an hour getting ready for each booking, often longer, making sure they are immaculately groomed. I don’t expect the same amount of effort from you gents, but I do expect you to be perfectly clean. By which I mean well showered in the immediate hour before the booking, not earlier that day!

I will never understand a man who is willing to spend hundreds of pounds booking an escort (in a recent case £1200 to be exact), only to turn up to a booking so dirty that the lady is loathe to go anywhere near him. Telling her to rub the white gunk under your foreskin away with a baby wipe won’t cut it either. If it turns out to be me in the booking with you (and yes, I am an undercover boss from time to time), you’ll find your pack of baby wipes shoved up your arse.

So, some ground rules for the occasional stinker that graces my agency with a booking:-

If you turn up to your booking clearly unwashed (boys, we always know when you haven’t washed), you will be asked to shower and clean yourself thoroughly. No less than 10 minutes in the shower will suffice and it will done in your booking time. Bear in mind that being told you stink by your date is a real passion killer for both parties, so expect to feel embarrassed for the rest of the booking.

If you refuse to shower and wash thoroughly, my lady has two options. The first option is to offer you a reduced service – no oral sex or kissing at all. We are talking a very basic service, not something we would ever dream of providing normally. Our service is delivered with passion each and every time. We aim to make you feel like a million dollars. But if you can’t be arsed to wash, we’ll make you feel like 10 dollars tops.

The second option is my lady walks, taking with her a fee to cover her fuel and travelling time.

We don’t want your booking to be crap, we really don’t. We love our customers. We want you to use our agency again and again. We want the girls to text us afterwards telling us what a pleasure you were to spend time with (as often happens), and not how they gagged when they went near your cock because it was smelly. So pleeeeeeeease make sure you’ve showered properly before a meeting. And if you can’t be bothered to do that, don’t waste your money booking one of our ladies, because we simply won’t tolerate you, you dirty bastard.

Ten Tips on Being a Successful Escort

*bursts into room showgirl style*

Hello sex pests! I know, I know…it’s been ages. I have neglected you. I am shit. Contrary to what you might think, I haven’t spent the last 5 months locked in a wine cellar. Nope, i’ve been renovating my house. Almost done now. Lots of dust. Lots of money spunked on boring things like ‘cement’ and ‘windows’ but i’m nearly there.

I thought i’d make my first blog back one on working as a successful escort, cause I know everything, right? I’ve run Elite Courtesans escort agency for FIVE YEARS. That makes me sound ancient but i’m actually only 24 in escort years (that’s 32 in traditional human years).

So here goes…

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
By which I really mean, don’t let Adultwork be your only form of marketing. Yes, it’s a good website and yes it’s made setting up as an escort easy – but there are negatives. When the website goes down (and it does), you aren’t going to get any work. I’ve seen ladies moaning on Twitter about taking the day off because Adultwork is offline. Madness. Imagine one day it doesn’t come back? I also see tweets from genuine escorts with an established Adultwork profile complaining that their page has been deleted for no apparent reason. Problems like this are worsened by the fact that the only way to contact Adultwork is via a website form (they list a company address in Belize, another in Gibraltar) which may or may not be answered. Last but not least, there are an inordinately high amount of dickheads that trawl Adultwork looking for escorts, and many wonderful punters out there that don’t use the website.

My advice – get your own website to run in tandem with Adultwork. Google the main keywords for your area (e.g escort surrey, escort in surrey, surrey escorts, guildford escorts, independent escorts in surrey) and add yourself to the directories that come up on page 1 of Google & Bing.

Get some decent photos
Woe betide the escort who tries to promote herself with crappy photos! Whether that’s a black and white close up of her left tit, a provocative school uniform pose next to a washing machine and piles of dirty laundry, or God forbid extreme close-ups of her vag. Seriously ladies, if I can diagnose your hemorrhoids from your photos, they don’t belong in the public domain. Yes you’re selling sex but it doesn’t have to be seedy, think sensual and alluring instead. Good quality photos are a must if you want good quality clients.

Take care of yourself
If you’re selling your body then bloody well look after it. Need to lose a few pounds – do it. Need a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow pluck or your teeth whitened – do it! There is a market for pretty much everyone where escorting concerned, but I can tell you with certainty that the better nick you are in, the easier you will find it to make money. And no, i’m not suggesting you go and get a pair of tits fitted that are bigger than your head. I am just suggesting that you treat what God gave you as well as you possibly can.

Your clients aren’t there to chat
I met an Elite client recently for lunch. He had been on a date with one of my girls a few days before and I asked him for his feedback. He told me that after a short period chatting, the girl stood up and proclaimed ‘I am guessing you didn’t really invite me here to chat?’ and disappeared off the bathroom. She emerged a couple of minutes later in a full stocking and suspender set with a black lacey bra and knickers. She pushed him onto the bed and promptly jumped on top of him for a deep snog before giving him, and I quote, ‘the best shag of his life’. Now THAT’S how you do it ladies. One regular customer in ze bag.

Trust no one
Or at least, be incredibly wary. Keep your personal information sacred, keep your personal life and your escorting life entirely separate, and if you are considering making friends with another escort remember jealousy and back stabbing does occur. No, I don’t hate everybody ever, there are plenty of fabulous ladies in this industry but there are some dreadful wronguns too. It’s not always easy to tell which is which. Like you would an old, frayed rope bridge over crocodile infested river, approach with caution.

Don’t take your clients for granted
If you’ve accepted a booking then be there. Don’t bore your clients with excuses about the fact that your nan died again, or your car exploded, or you’ve been admitted to hospital with a rare virus. Turn up on time, show them a great time, and don’t leave early! The escorts that make the most money have clients who book them time and time again. If you aren’t getting regulars, something is wrong.

Lose that husband or boyfriend
Not in real life of course, just as far as your clients are concerned. You’ll have to trust Aunty Suze here. Your boyfriend / recent engagement / fabulous husband should not feature anywhere in your marketing strategy. Not even during careless pillow talk.

Treat your escort business like any other
Like every other business in the world, with escorting you get out what you put in. Provide a high level of customer service, be organised and market yourself well (advertising may not always be free). Look at what else is on offer in your area and do one better.

Invest in your future
There is a very high chance that if you have the right look, the right personality AND you manage your escort business well, you will never come close to earning the sort of money you do as an escort again in your life. I’m not going to go into figures of what’s possible, but it’s rather a lot. I’ve written before about not pissing your money away on shite. Invest in the future. Pay off your debts. Buy a house. Live mortgage free. Travel the world. Put your kids through private school. Don’t squander it basically. If you start doing that, you’ll never get out.

Loose lips sink ships
Keep your chosen profession to yourself. Don’t tell anybody unless you absolutely have to, for example so they can check you in and out of bookings. Think carefully about showing your face in photos. You may not care what people think now, but that could all change in the future. Remember – you do not need to show your face to make lots of money.

So there you have it. Ten important tips in no particular order. I could probably write for days on the subject but those are the most important things that come to mind. Keeping safe is obviously a big part of being successful – after all, you can’t make loads of money if you’re dead – and you can read a separate blog on that here.

x x

Show Me the Money!

When I wrote my blog Working Safely as an Outcall Escort, I mentioned that the money should always be collected at the start of the booking, that it should always be counted (preferably in front of the client) and stored away somewhere safe. The reasoning behind this has been reinforced to me twice already in the last couple of weeks. Here are the two scenarios:

Booking 1

Girl arrives at client’s house. He asks her to go upstairs and get his wallet. She says no, he must get it, she does not want to touch his money without him present. He is insistent. She sticks to her guns and refuses. Eventually, after much moaning, he gets his wallet. He comes downstairs with it proclaiming: ‘oh my God, someone has stolen £200 out of my wallet, I only have £150 left! Will that do?’ She says no. She goes to call the agency to let us know he is playing up. Miraculously the client – now panicking that we are going to tear strips off him – finds the missing money and pays the girl in full.

The most annoying thing about the above? Aside from the fact that the client was trying to put the girl in a position where he could accuse her of stealing the money and therefore worry her into staying for less, I mean? The most annoying thing is that this client has used us MANY times before. He was a regular with good feedback. I was quite fond of the cunt.

Booking 2

Girl arrives at hotel. Client hands her a sealed envelope of money. When she checks it, it’s £60 short. She tells him, he apologises, says the cash point must have short-changed him (uh-huh), takes the envelope off her, goes over to the desk and with his back to hers does some paper shuffling. He hands the envelope back – there you go, £350. She counts it again. It’s not £350, it’s still £290, he still hasn’t put the extra £60 in. She asks him what he is playing at. Eventually she gets the £60 off him and he apologies for trying to ‘scam her’.

Actually, this one happened the other night. This massive cock-knocker has used us maybe 20 times before without any problems being reported to me. After a Suzy roasting, I doubt he will call again.

I understand why some trustworthy and lovely clients hate to see money being counted or prefer to pay at the end, I really do (there are also many more in this group who don’t mind in the slightest paying up front or having it counted in front of them – it protects both sides after all). However, in my some what vast experience dealing with SO MANY bookings a year, I can say with certainty that the biggest group of problem payers for girls who do good security checks are regular clients. They rarely refuse to pay at all, but trying to short change girls is not as uncommon as you might think. Some genuine mistakes in there sure, but many more not.

Why is this you wonder? I’m guessing that maybe this particular group of clients feel a loyalty discount is in order, that rates are too high, or are just simply more confident about trying it on once they have got some experience of punting. Maybe they are the same group of guys that write ‘she should have been the one paying ME!’ in their escort reviews. Whatever it is, they probably notice that not all girls ask for the money upfront or count what they are given, and no doubt they get away with underpaying sometimes. I hope they don’t ever get away with it with any of my girls, but then not all money problems may be reported to me – it’s embarrassing to admit you got scammed.

I’m not letting new clients of the hook – there are plenty of problem payers (or worse) among the first ever booking group, you only have to read the escort warning boards to see that. The thing with Elite Courtesans though, and many other agencies and indies too, is that we are pretty finely tuned at weeding out these twats at the telephone stage, so they never get the first booking to play up in. When regulars who begin well start trying it on over time, well they are more difficult to spot.

So ladies, please be vigilant with your money – let’s be honest, it’s the main reason you’re in this game. Whether you’ve seen the guy once or twenty times, get the cash upfront and count it in front of him. Don’t put yourself in a position where you leave with less than you were due, or are accused of removing money from the envelope when you counted it in the bog. And gents, rather than moaning about money checks ruining the ambience of the meeting, put yourself in your companion’s position and remember that not all regular customers are as trustworthy as you. Unfortunately, experience tells us it’s near impossible to differentiate which regulars are trustworthy and which aren’t. You’re all equally charming, you see.

If all clients (and escorts) were honest, the punting world would be a fabulous place. Sadly though, they are not.


The Client, the Wench and the Wardrobe

Sometimes funny things happen during bookings. Things that the girls giggle about and tell me when they leave. I remember Daniella telling me about a client that got over excited and pissed himself, or Zoe telling me she wandered into the wrong house (door left ajar – she thought the client was being saucy) and terrified a woman breast feeding her baby, or even Kat telling me she cajoled the hotel bell boy into a threesome. Nothing was more amusing though, than the story an Elite girl called Sienna told me one night.

I’d sent her to visit a client in deepest, darkest South West England. He’d used us before, but usually did outcalls to a hotel. This time however, for the first time, he had invited one of our girls to his home address – a large, working farm. Very concerned about his neighbours spotting Sienna (married man, the wife was away), he informs me that she must call his mobile when she gets close so her can direct her in. No problem – this is quite a common scenario. What the client forgets about though, is that he diverted his mobile calls to one of the old boys that works on his farm earlier that day. Ah.

So Sienna gets close and calls the mobile. A man answers. ‘Hi, it’s Sienna, just calling for directions’. It’s a pitch black winter evening – she follows the man’s directions down a country lane to a small house. An elderly gentleman comes to the front door, closely followed by an elderly lady. Before Sienna gets a chance to mention her fee is higher for couples she is ushered in. Dirty old buggers she thinks.

The couple take Sienna through the house, out the back door, through the garden and into a barn. She begins to worry – just who or what else were they inviting to the party? In the corner of the barn stands a dusty, battered old wardrobe. The man gestures towards it. ‘Here it is’ he says ‘been in our family for years’.

That’s when it dawns on Sienna – i’m at the wrong fucking house. She smiles at the couple and spends the next 10 minutes looking over the wardrobe, discussing the merits of its deep hanging space, it’s shabby chic appeal and how someone would pay a fortune for an item like this in Laura Ashley. All the while her mind is screaming fuuuuuuuuuuck!

Of course she doesn’t want the wardrobe, and even if she did (which she doesn’t because it’s shit), she wouldn’t have any success squeezing it into the boot of her Fiat Cinquecento. After what seems like an eternity, she thanks the couple for their time and totters back to her car, sinking her heels into cow shit as she goes.

Sienna finds the real client’s house just a few hundred metres down the road. She explains to him what has happened – that the mobile number he gave was answered by someone living nearby. The client realises, with horror, his mistake.

His saving grace: the old boy and his wife were obviously expecting someone to arrive. And despite reassurances that she hadn’t aroused any suspicion at all (even dressed to the nines in stockings and stiletto heels), the client coughs up the fee and sends Sienna packing. He feels sick…that couple know his wife!

Sienna was a star that night, a consummate pro, discretion was her middle name. As for the client, how does the old saying go? Ah yes: the best laid schemes of mice and men, go oft awry.

Regrets, I’ve had a Few…

Yesterday I came across a piece in the Guardian, written back in 2007, called I was a Male Escort. I have no idea if it’s genuine, I actually suspect not, but taken at face value as an honest piece of writing it’s actually pretty depressing. The article was supposedly written by a well-educated young professional who got into the gay escorting scene in London. In his words, despite making lots of money, escorting was an empty experience that left him feeling sometimes scared, but ultimately cheapened and full of regret. How very sad.

It was through my job that I first came into contact with an escort…he worked for an agency that served some of the richest men in London. Within a month, I was on the books. I’d kept secret the fact I wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality.

I’ll be upfront before I go off on one: I really have no idea how the gay escort scene compares to the female equivalent in which, as an agent, I have earned all of my money. It could well be entirely different, or the escort that wrote the article could have simply associated himself with the wrong type of clients (Boy George, for example). Then again, it could be that he was just the wrong guy for the job. Certainly, being uncomfortable with your own sexuality is not a great way to start a sex-based career.

The sex was always empty. Being an escort is not about intimacy and certainly not about love. It is simply a transaction. There is no flow, no shared experience, just buyer and seller.

He’s right about one thing – escorting is not about love, unless you count love of the thrill and the money. But it IS about intimacy and shared experience, how can it not be? The sex escorts have is rarely empty…in reality, it’s unusual to leave a booking without having made a connection with your client. OK, some guys are selfish lovers, others boring, one or two are just the worst type of smelly munter imaginable, but on the whole the experience is a positive one. Plenty of wonderful men book escorts!

I was being asked to parade around a warehouse apartment wearing nothing but a pair of Speedos and a smile.

Oh, come on man! Parading around in your undercrackers is escort 101. I know a girl who used to wear a motorcycle helmet to keep one client happy, and a WWII gas mask contraption with another. THAT’S unusual, weird and just a little unnerving. Speedos on a cute gay guy? Standard issue.

Escorting is not so much a job as a lifestyle, and your boundaries get tested and reassessed very quickly.

As an agency owner, it’s not easy to lead a normal life (understandable). But as an escort it’s possible to live a very normal life. In between bookings girls study, have a day job, run a business and spend the weekends with friends and family who have no idea that a couple of evenings a week, they turn into a raging strumpet. It does not need to be an all-consuming career choice.

Regarding boundaries, it goes without saying really, but these only get moved if you allow it. This is not trench warfare. If you’ve started off vanilla and within a few months you’re being double-penetrated while another guy shits in your mouth, for God’s sake get out and don’t look back.

….while on the surface we were there to enjoy each other’s company, the unspoken assumption was that I had been paid for and so would do as I was told.

WRONG. It’s comments like this one that make me doubt the author’s authenticity. Yes there are bad places and bad people in the sex industry, but it would not be the norm, as a middle class, educated escort working at a high-end escort agency, to come across a client who would make such an assumption. In reality, clients find out services in advance and understand that there are limits. If the escort doesn’t offer what the client is looking for, the client will generally look elsewhere given the amount of choice. Punters do not turn into rapists the minute they meet an escort!

…in recent months, the phone has been turned off. The truth is, I’ve never felt cheaper. Valued against my morals and my dignity, the cash didn’t seem so great.

Ah. If you’re morally against paid sexual encounters, getting a job as an escort is, frankly, ludicrous. It’s like being morally against the barbaric imprisonment of baked beans in tins and then getting a job at Heinz. It will fuck you up. No matter how skint you are, no matter how much you are struggling, if you have a moral aversion to sex work don’t get into it.

I’ve sold myself for sex and will have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This is such a dramatic statement to make. It’s the sort of statement reserved for ‘I got drunk, drove my car and killed someone – I will have to live with that for the rest of my life’. Or possibly, ‘I got drunk, went on Ticketmaster and bought some NDubz tickets. Then, I got drunk again and turned up at the concert – I will have to live with that for the rest of my life’. I find incredibly hard to believe that something carried out repeatedly, of his own free will, and not being fuelled by a horrible addiction or situation, can be worthy of such a statement.

If you’ve entered the escort industry with your eyes open and as an educated individual, sex work should never feature on any list of regrets. The money earned allows women to bring sometimes stressful lives (money wise) under control and it can be an utterly empowering career choice.

I’m aware that I’m starting to sound like something from a multi-level marketing brochure – you’re no doubt expecting to see a picture of me gurning and holding one of those massive cheques. I’m also aware that as someone considered a ‘pimp’ by certain groups, my opinions will be viewed with scepticism. Nonetheless, I thought I would defend my industry, and in particular my patrons, who are too readily slammed.

Despite the negative article referred to above, the honest truth about the escorting world that I have frequented is this: most of the escorts are happy with their work, and most of the clients are nice, if not lovely. The clients may have their kinks, their perversions, they may even be cheating on their wives, but they are good people. There will always be bad clients, and there will always be the time wasters, con men and nutcases that we have to sift through (see last blog), but they are not representative of the many genuine users of escorts in the UK.

Now, who’s for a group hug? No, not you. You smell.

Working Safely as an Outcall Escort

I published this article a few years back elsewhere on the web, but thought I would re-work it a little for my blog. Usually I write for clients but this time it’s for other sex workers. It’s a bit of an essay if I’m honest – have you got tea and Jaffa Cakes to hand? Good, then I’ll begin.

Working safely as an escort, whether it’s independently or part of an agency, is crucial. If you don’t, at best, your time will be repeatedly wasted. At worst, well, you don’t need me to tell you what could happen. One thing we know at Elite Courtesans is outcalls. And we know how to do them safely. So for those of you starting out in the industry, I’ve listed some pointers below to help you stay safe and minimise time wasters as much as possible.

1. Don’t ever answer calls from withheld numbers. In fact, go a step further and download a blocker app for your mobile phone – you can then block withheld calls without ever being disturbed. The reason every escort on the planet lists ‘no private numbers’ on her website is because the men who hide behind 141 are exclusively douchebags that will waste your time.

2. Don’t respond to texts from unknown numbers. Unless you like being strung along by bored losers who will eventually send you a picture of their erect penis, that is. Assume if a guy doesn’t initiate first contact with a polite telephone call, he’s either 15, or a time waster. Also beware the guys who call briefly and then bombard you with texts. If you’ve taken my advice and downloaded a blocker app, add them straight to the sin bin. If not, save them in your phone as ZZ Monkey Fucker (or whatever), so you know never to respond to them in the future. The ZZ means they sit at the end of the your contact list. Out of sight, out of mind.

3. Don’t take bookings over email. Really? Yes, really. While it’s OK to answer initial queries over email (don’t get too carried away, email time wasters are just as prevalent), always speak to the potential client before accepting a booking. Chatting on the phone is absolutely the only way to get a good feeling (or not) for the guy. Your ‘escort telephone sense’ will develop rapidly.

4. How to spot a time waster on the phone. It’s mostly common sense, but none the less when you’re new this can be daunting. Here are some tell-tale signs the call should be terminated: is he going into excessive detail about outfits or services? Did he initially ask for a 1 hour booking and then accept without question that the minimum booking time for his area is 3 hours? Has he asked for an overnight booking, money no object (not always time wasters but treat with caution)? Is he asking to meet at a Travelodge (more on this later), bed and breakfast, halls of residence, army barracks, in his office or at ‘a friend’s’ house? Has he told you he has a big cock and is amazing in bed? In my very extensive experience, genuine customers have the utmost respect for your time, and do not keep you on the phone longer than a quick chat and to arrange the details. Anyone who yaps on for ages, bin em!

Remember, not everyone who is a time waster knows they are a time waster. Some men are just complete fantasists who will pull out of the booking when the time comes close. If you get an inkling that you’re dealing with one of those (overly nervous, hesitant etc), don’t bother with the booking in the first place.

5. Verifying identities – private residences. For outcalls to private residences, take his full name, address and landline telephone number. We use to check the electoral roll online (this will also bring up directory enquiries and info from companies house). Once verified, don’t forget to call the client on his landline, or have him call you, to confirm that he is actually at that address.

Of course, life isn’t always that easy. Clients can opt-out of the online electoral role AND their landlines can be ex-directory. In this scenario, I always Google his numbers – mobile and landline – using all different variations 01234555555, 01234 555555 and 01234 555 555. Those spaces do make a difference in Google! Sometimes you will score a hit – a business website, advert, whatever (must be a good source) that verifies his name and address. Don’t forget to check out his email address too, if you have it.

Failing that, at Elite we will ALWAYS get proof of address, and this means asking him to scan in or photograph a bill and email it to us (a phone bill showing the landline or mobile is ideal). Genuine clients do not mind doing this. I can’t remember the last time I was ever refused. Don’t feel that as an independent escort you won’t get away with being so ‘demanding’ – you will – and it might just be your saving grace.

Still no luck? Hotel meet only then for this client.

6. Visiting hotels. Hotels are much easier. In this case, you want the client’s full name, hotel details and his reservation number (if it’s an advance booking). If he’s already in the hotel, and it’s the day of the meeting, you’ll need his room number.

The first rule of hotel bookings is: never leave home until the client has checked in and you have called his room to verify that he is there. For short notice hotel bookings, I will always confirm the name the client gave me with reception before being put through to the room: ‘Hi, I’d like to speak to Mr Andy Davies, I think he’s in room 212, can you double-check that’s right before putting me through?’

For advance bookings to hotels, as well as ringing the room on the day, I will always call the hotel to check the reservation beforehand. I don’t think I’ve ever once been asked who I am – receptionists just assume I’m the client’s wife or his PA. So just something like: ‘Hi, I’m just calling to double-check you have Mr Mohammed Aziz booked in for Sept 1st?’ No justifications needed – sound confident, don’t talk too much and make sure you have the correct spelling.

I’d always recommend calling again on the day of the booking to check the client hasn’t cancelled his reservation. If he has, you can put yourself back on the rota for that night with hopefully enough time to spare to find a replacement client!

Regarding names, musical sounding concoctions such as ‘Steve Smith’ or ‘Andy Anderson’ should put you on your guard. And if anyone asks why you need their surname or real name, hang up and stick them on a blacklist. The good ones never ask.

A note about hotels. Avoid the Travelodge – they don’t have telephones in the rooms. Always check with Premier Inns (hit and miss) and other budget hotels that they have phones in rooms before fully accepting a booking there. Also, if you’ve never heard of the hotel the client is proposing, check it out online. If it’s 7 bedroom family run hotel or a run down bolt-hole for dossers and drug addicts, AVOID.

Lastly, late night visits to hotels can raise eyebrows at the front desk and cause problems, especially as doors often get locked. Do you really want to work through the night? What type of client is going to call you out at 1am? A drunk one, most probably.

7. Money. You should only ever accept payment in cash – Pounds Sterling. Do not accept foreign currency that you are not used to handling. Do not accept cheques, even from regulars, they will be cancelled. Ask for the cash within the first 5 minutes of meeting and COUNT IT. If you wish, do it in the bathroom. Never fall into the trap of not checking cash. Sometimes a simple miscount on the client’s behalf can leave you out-of-pocket. Buy and use a forged note detector pan on a few notes if you are unsure. Hide the cash well in your bag, preferably in a zip pocket/hidden compartment. Your bag never leaves your side during the booking. If you go to the loo, the bag goes too!

8. Instinct is the best protection you have. Always trust it. Hopefully, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, you’ll never be short of work. But if you do find yourself running low, still never take risks that you wouldn’t entertain normally. If you walk into a hotel room or a house and something doesn’t feel right, say you left your condoms in the car and leave (don’t take his cash). If your client is drunk, on drugs or obnoxious/aggressive, leave. If you find more than one man waiting for you, leave. Again, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, most guys you meet will make a real effort for your date, be thoroughly lovely and treat you like a princess, but the odd tosser can always slip through the net.

9. Sexual health. Get yourself to your local sexual health clinic and get checked regularly. Tell them you’re a sex worker – give a fake name, your real DOB, no address and just a mobile. They accepted this. You’ll get a completely different level of care from your normal girl about town if you are honest with them. Make sure you get throat swabs and tell them if you offer anal so they can check there too. If they don’t offer you it, ask for the fast tracked Hepatitis B jabs.

During your booking, give the client a discreet once over before the fun begins (if the client turns out the lights, that’s not normal, turn them back on). If you see anything out of the ordinary, don’t take the risk. Condoms do not protect against warts, herpes etc that can spread over the groin and beyond.  Don’t offer OWO if you have bleeding gums, open mouth sores or have been to the dentist. Don’t let guys come near your eyes or nose. Don’t offer CIM without being fully aware of the risks. Swap condoms regularly during vigorous intercourse to reduce the risk of them breaking. Doing a duo (two escorts)? Make sure the client swaps condoms between girls.

10. Discretion. Knowing a girl who was stalked by a nutter recently (he came across as totally normal to begin with), this section is particularly important to me. Keep your real name to yourself. All clients will ask for it, it’s normal and understandable, but I’d recommend you give them another fake name (or none at all) and don’t tell them where you live. Don’t carry a purse full of photo ID with you (carry none in fact) and put a pin lock on your phone that must be entered before it can be browsed/used. All you need to carry is a small amount of cash for parking/emergencies (don’t forget change), your mobile, a selection of lingerie, condoms, lube, a toy etc.

I’d recommend you always crop, blur or disguise your facial features on your photos. You don’t need to show your face to work successfully. Similarly, avoid being filmed or photographed during bookings, but if you must allow it, don’t allow them to include your face. You may not have anything to lose right now, but your future may be different. You don’t want this work coming back to bite you on the ass. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for hidden cameras – it does happen! Does your client keep trying to position you in a certain way or in a certain area of the room?

11. Escort buddies. If you’re not working for an agency, ALWAYS have someone on hand to check in and out of bookings with (I’d recommend calling or texting your buddy to let them know you’ve arrived in front of your client). Be that a close friend, a partner or another escort. This person needs to know exactly where you are and what time you plan on leaving. If you don’t leave on time, they need to call your phone. If they can’t reach you, they need to call the police. This person must be trustworthy and reliable.

You’ll read countless times punters describing girls as ‘clock watchers’. What they really mean when they say this is that the escort didn’t give them any extra time for free. Don’t worry about all that bollocks. Leave your bookings not early of course, but promptly, and avoid getting into the habit of being tardy with your time. If your escort buddy is used to you hanging around bookings longer than you should, when and if something does go wrong, he/she is less likely to be concerned. If the gent wants some extra time, he can pay for it, and you can ring your buddy and say he’s paid for an extra hour (or whatever).

12. Network. Don’t forget to read the punting forums. The warnings sections can be a rich source of information. Do your bit and report any wronguns you encounter too. Here’s a few to get you started:

En fin. I think. It’s possible I will think of a few other tips as time goes by which I will add to the comments. I hope some of you find this blog useful and that it helps you stay safe. Since this one has been a bit serious, I thought I’d include my favourite video clip by my favourite comedian about my least favourite hotel chain ever to finish things off. Er yeah, enjoy!

Twitter Etiquette

With the increased popularity of Twitter over recent months, both with our girls and our clients, we thought it would be a good idea to note down some ‘Twitter Etiquette’. This will help you – our clients – understand what we feel is an acceptable use of the service and hopefully stop problems before they begin.

What We Like
We love the banter between the agency, the girls and the clients. We like to learn more about our clients and we enjoy the short day to day chit chat that Twitter allows for.

We like the increased excitement and anticipation Twitter can bring to both clients and girls.

We see Twitter as a way that our girls can express themselves (sorry that sounds so wanky), and anything that helps clients learn more about the girls they are going to meet can only be a good thing. Do follow them and read their ramblings!

What We Do Not Like
Clients relentlessly tweeting the ladies throughout the day (same goes for direct messages). See tweets no differently to text messages. If you sent an escort 20 text messages a day you would quickly be blacklisted as a pest – regardless of whether you booked her or not. Don’t make the same mistake here. Once the girls see you as a pain, nothing we say to them will change that. Please be very respectful of their time.

Please do not ask the girls directly about their availability, minimum booking times, rates or their services. For any business type questions, speak to the agency by email or on 07728 554 754.

Who is Using Twitter?
We do not ask the girls to post on Twitter. It’s really up to them if they have the time or the inclination to do so. Please, please don’t let the fact that a lady doesn’t have a Twitter account put you off booking her! If she has passed a Suzy or Lisa interview you can be sure of three things: she’s drop dead gorgeous, she has a thoroughly engaging personality and she’s an exceptionally naughty and fun companion. Twitter or no Twitter.

I think that’s covered it. Any questions, problems or worries that I am talking about you in particular (i’m probably not), you know where I am.

Suzy x

All About Suzy

You’ve probably noticed that the lovely Elite girls have all been busy lately filling out questionnaires on the Elite Courtesans blog. The idea being that their answers will help you better understand their personalities, and maybe aid you in your decision of who to book. I thought I would have a go at it too, since I wrote the questions and it’s turned out to be good fun. So, here goes…

What’s your occupation?
Owner of Elite Courtesans. I run the agency with my Brazilian best friend, Lisa (pronounced Lee-za). We also dabble in web design and SEO. Usually some other hair-brained scheme on the go too.

Star Sign

Which other Elite girls have you met in person?
All of them of course! We interview the girls in person, we join them at their photoshoots and we also hold parties and get-togethers.

What turns you on?
Loads of different things, but nothing traditional. Being turned on by things outside of the norm is I guess what makes someone cut out for this kind of work. My big TV crush is Tony Soprano. Go figure. Maybe it’s a bad boys thing?

What turns you off?
Arrogance (yes, I know some of you think I’m arrogant). Passive-aggressive behaviour. Attempts to patronise me.

Favourite drink?
It used to be Jack Daniels. Nowadays a glass of Sauvignon Blanc or a Gin & Tonic will suffice (Hendricks please). For cocktails it’s the Caipirinha – the best I’ve tasted being at Gauchos in Piccadilly. I’m a notorious binge drinker so I try not to touch alcohol that often. Most times I do, I wake up the next day in a skip with a cone on my head. In times past I’ve done things that would make Keith Richards blush.

Most beautiful/interesting/favourite place in the world you’ve visited and why:
I’m lucky to have travelled a lot, but I think my absolute favourite place is New York. Flying into JFK, jumping in a cab, driving through Queens and then BAM, that skyline hits you. Fucking hell, it’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen. I love the place. Second to that, anywhere in the Indian Ocean where I can snorkel and scuba dive to my heart’s content. I love the ocean and marine life.

You’re on death row (probably for shagging some poor guy to death). You can choose one last meal and one movie to watch while you eat it. Name them:
I probably didn’t get to the shagging part. He probably said something to offend me so I bludgeoned him with my handbag. Food wise, I’m going to have a steak, chunky chips and a tomato and red onion salad soaked in salt, vinegar and oil. My movie would be The Big Lebowski, dude! Aside from being a wonderfully clever and funny film, its soundtrack heavily features Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of my all time fav bands.

Do you have a favourite author?
I love Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Robert Rankin and Spike Milligan. But my all time favourite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse 5 is such a tremendous book, it should be read by everyone (come on, it will be the best £4.77 you’ve ever spent). I’m a history graduate, so I also love historical non-fiction, especially anything on the English Civil War, and the First and Second World Wars. Lastly, Motley Crue’s The Dirt is a cracking read. Buy it, take it on holiday, whatever. Those guys were mental. You don’t have to like their shit hair metal to LOVE this book (though I do).

If ITV (or even Hollywood) made a TV series about your escorting escapades, who would you like to see play the lead role?
I don’t really look like any famous person, dead or alive. A date once moaned that I looked nothing like Cindy Crawford. Given that I never once made any claims that I did look like her (because I don’t), the complaint came as a bit of shock. So I’ll go with her.

If you were a car, what type would you be and why?
Who wrote this bloody stupid question? Ummm, I’d have to say a carefully maintained Renault 5 GT Turbo in electric blue. Way past its sell by date, but still a glorious machine with loads of poke.

We know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but what other less extravagant gifts make you smile?
I’m not particularly materialistic, but I do have a hideous Rolex watch fetish. I guess that’s still pretty extravagant though. Ah well, tough.

Stockings or hold ups?
Neither. Nora Batty opaque tights and big pair of bloomers.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?
While the Stones wrote some corkers, the Beatles are wonderfully diverse and so much better.

Lisa or Suzy?
Suzy any day of the week. Lisa smells.

Mum’s The Word

It may surprise readers to know that when I’m not discussing 20″ dildos, deep throat techniques and the merits of thongs over French knickers, I can very occasionally be found reading the Mumsnet forums. Why? Because I’m a mum, and the ladies on that forum are by and large a helpful bunch when it comes to childcare questions; not forgetting of course telling me who I should vote for in the next election.

Mumsnet has many threads discussing various relationship issues, and now and then a thread will pop up like this one: husband seeing escorts. The lady who started this thread had been married for 21 years, had 4 children, and was devastated to find out (through her husband’s carelessness) that he had been seeing escorts both in the UK and abroad for 2 years previous.

I’m not going to sound off about men who cheat on their wives/partners. First of all, it would make me a hypocrite given the business I’m in, and second of all it’s not something that concerns me. I don’t/can’t/won’t ask clients their relationship status because as adults, it’s up to them what they do. That’s not to say though that I don’t find it sad when an otherwise happy marriage is ruined or rocked to its core by careless infidelity, be it with an escort or anyone else.

So why am I blogging about this? Well, I probably would have glossed over that thread, had it not been for an entirely thoughtless, no scratch that spiteful, interjection by a Manchester based escort calling herself CharlieGirl1. Charlie appears to have made her way anonymously to Mumsnet from the Punternet Forums in order to twist the knife, while her forum friends watched on and squealed with delight.

Here is a choice quote from Charlie, who after boring readers with her irrelevant life story, decides to give her take on why the devastated wife (or indeed any wife) might find herself in this position:

The majority of my clients are not getting what they want at home, perhaps if more couples were honest about what they want from their relationships I might not see so many clients. Wives or ex-wives like yourself are the ones who keep me busy, thanks.

It takes an especially vile, hateful, bitch to seek out someone in such despair and write those words don’t you think? Would you want your wife spoken to like that? Charlie – how about some sympathy? And if you can’t bring yourself to offer that and only that, then leave it alone and get back to Punternet and moaning about the client that left skid marks on your bed sheets.

I’ve had a few calls from irate wives in my time that I have managed as respectfully and tactfully as possible. If I ever turn into Charlie, and get sucked in by the propaganda of a minority of punters who spend their days on forums blaming their wives for their own shortcomings, I will actually punch myself in the face.

So guys, given that your wives/partners are almost certainly sneakier than you, if you enjoy this hobby and are in it for the long haul, and NOT because your wife is crap but because you love to have sex with other women, then for God’s sake cover your tracks. As can be seen time and time again, the results otherwise are heartbreaking. Worst still, your wife might be the next woman in line for phoney, nasty advice from a jaded old Northern witch.

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

….or so the adage says. Anyone who reads the Elite Courtesans Twitter feed will notice us ranting every now and then about escort agencies that appear from nowhere having nicked either our website copy, or our images. It happens to us a lot. Flattery? Nah – more like a pain in the ass.

Sometimes this theft is totally random, other times it’s down to a crap webmaster who has been told ‘I want something similar to’ and nicks it all word for word. More frequently than not though, a bit of digging reveals the thief is known to us. By which I mean girls who have worked for us briefly (and it not worked out) or girls who have been refused/failed an interview.

I get it – it must grate when you are rejected. And even though we are always complimentary and positive when turning people down, the rejection must be shit. But I have to say that ladies, you are entering an industry where pretty much every part of your being is going to be critiqued. From your looks, to your personality, your dress sense, your age and your prowess between the sheets. You need a thick skin. Correction. You need a VERY thick skin. Otherwise you will be suicidal the first time you read a punter calling you fat, old, a shit fuck, or whatever online. Even the best girls aren’t universally liked!

I have yet to see any of the new agencies who stole our content make it into a success. They usually fizzle out within a few months. Which brings me on to my next point.

I suspect that Lisa and I make running Elite Courtesans seem easy to some, money for old rope. Well, it isn’t. Anyone who thinks that running an escort agency means reaping rewards with little work or capital is a moron. If  these are your thoughts, forget it, don’t bother – you WILL fail. The Dragons will be laughing you out of the Den.

To clarify, your initial outlay will be thousands and your monthly expenditure will be thousands. You will need an excellent webmaster and SEO. You will need an accountant. You will need a business plan and an understanding bank manager. You will need to pay your tax and VAT. You will need to accept that your livelihood and possessions could be whipped out from under you at any moment by the Old Bill. You will need a solicitor. You will need to be intelligent and bloody hardworking. You will need to genuinely care about the people who work for you – they always come before your bottom line. You need to understand the sex industry.

Building up your escort agency will take as much time and effort as any other business. It probably took us 2 years of hard graft to really get into the swing of things.

If you are serious, then please take some pride in your work. Nicking content will cause you a big headache when your website is taken down. Populate your gallery with girls from stock photography websites and people will notice (nods towards Birmingham). Some punters are easily manipulated, but many aren’t. They research the girls they are going to see thoroughly. They meet on forums and discuss their experiences. If you are taking the piss, you will get found out. Yeah you’ll make some cash short-term, but it won’t last.

I like to have a good working relationship with other escort agencies. The sharing of information – bad clients and bad girls – makes the whole industry so much safer. If you are going to set up an escort agency and feel you have what it takes then great, good luck. But don’t be a lazy thieving cunt. That way, we don’t get off on the wrong foot, do we?

Escort Agency Scams

‘Become an escort and earn £££££s’

You have decided to become an escort. You need the cash to clear those debts; you have done your research and understand what the job entails. As scintillating as your conversation skills may be, you are NOT going to be paid hundreds of pounds just to go out to dinner, you realise there is more to it than that. An escort is always a prostitute/sex worker.

With so many sites offering to sign you up, claiming that you will be earning ££££££s, it is essential that you do your research. Not all of these sites are legitimate – far from it – and those that are bogus have been set up with the sole intention of ripping off men and women who are often already in dire straits financially.

Having heard lots of complaints about unscrupulous website operators taking your money with no intention of providing any service, I have put together this brief guide to help you avoid some very common pitfalls.

Never pay an escort agency a joining fee

Perhaps the most important point I want to emphasise is that a reputable escort agency WILL NOT charge you a joining fee. Instead, they will charge you a commission on any work they get you. This means that they do not get paid until you get paid. Avoid any agency that asks for cash up front and those that require clients to login before they can see any escort details. Some of these agencies advertise 0871, 0844, 0845 etc numbers, so when you call to complain they earn money!

If an escort agency signs you up for free and then asks for money to ‘maximise your profile’, again this would be a time to walk away. A reputable agency may ask you to pay for a professional photo shoot (in which case you would pay the photographer and have ownership of the photos), but would never charge you a fee to add photos to their site. Avoid anyone who does – they are not working for you but for themselves only.

A common trick used by the dodgy agencies is to tell you that they have a job for you….their client is desperate to meet you….but that you need to pay their joining fee first. Don’t be tricked – you will never hear from them again.

Do your research and don’t get conned!

Male escorts and escort agencies

Are you a straight guy who wants to earn some extra money working as a male escort? Getting paid for having sex, great! Almost certainly too good to be true I am afraid – I have yet to meet a straight guy who works in this industry with any success.

So many bogus websites advertise for male escorts because, let’s face it guys, you must be easy targets. You are NOT going to earning a living pleasuring frustrated housewives. If you find a website advertising heavily for male escorts they fall into the ‘bogus avoid!’ category and will charge you a fee somewhere along the line with no chance of a return.

If you really are set on escorting follow the advice below on ‘finding a good agency’ – you are looking for a site that advertises mostly women and only a couple of guys.

Finding a good escort agency

A well advertised agency is a good start. A reputable agency will spend thousands of pounds a year on advertising to ensure that their girls get regular work. You will find various links to the agency website from a variety of well established UK punting directories often with reviews if the agency is well established. You will not be charged to join!

A good agency site will be created with the client in mind rather than the escort – that is, the site will place great emphasis on selling escort services and a little on recruitment. Escort photos and details will be publicly accessible without the need for a site login.

Expect to be invited to interview! A good agent will have a regular client base and a reputation to keep up. They will want to see you in the flesh, get an idea about your personality, talk you through what is involved etc. Be up front with them from the start, do not tell them you are 28 when you are 38 or send them photos that are 10 years old.

Last but not least, remember there is no such thing as a non-sexual escort agency. Men do not pay hundreds of pounds to buy you dinner or take you to the theatre. Anyone telling you they run a no-sex escort agency IS A SCAMMER.

Help! I’ve been scammed by a bogus escort agency, can I get my money back?

No, you aren’t going to get your money back. What you must do though is report the scam to Action Fraud, and you can do so here. The reason these scam agencies get away with it for so long is that not enough people report them. When enough people report, the Police will make an arrest and the people running the bogus agencies will go to prison. So if you want to make sure the fraudster gets their comeuppance for robbing you of your hard-earned money, report them. Don’t be embarrassed to do so.