It may surprise readers to know that when I’m not discussing 20″ dildos, deep throat techniques and the merits of thongs over French knickers, I can very occasionally be found reading the Mumsnet forums. Why? Because I’m a mum, and the ladies on that forum are by and large a helpful bunch when it comes to childcare questions; not forgetting of course telling me who I should vote for in the next election.

Mumsnet has many threads discussing various relationship issues, and now and then a thread will pop up like this one: husband seeing escorts. The lady who started this thread had been married for 21 years, had 4 children, and was devastated to find out (through her husband’s carelessness) that he had been seeing escorts both in the UK and abroad for 2 years previous.

I’m not going to sound off about men who cheat on their wives/partners. First of all, it would make me a hypocrite given the business I’m in, and second of all it’s not something that concerns me. I don’t/can’t/won’t ask clients their relationship status because as adults, it’s up to them what they do. That’s not to say though that I don’t find it sad when an otherwise happy marriage is ruined or rocked to its core by careless infidelity, be it with an escort or anyone else.

So why am I blogging about this? Well, I probably would have glossed over that thread, had it not been for an entirely thoughtless, no scratch that spiteful, interjection by a Manchester based escort calling herself CharlieGirl1. Charlie appears to have made her way anonymously to Mumsnet from the Punternet Forums in order to twist the knife, while her forum friends watched on and squealed with delight.

Here is a choice quote from Charlie, who after boring readers with her irrelevant life story, decides to give her take on why the devastated wife (or indeed any wife) might find herself in this position:

The majority of my clients are not getting what they want at home, perhaps if more couples were honest about what they want from their relationships I might not see so many clients. Wives or ex-wives like yourself are the ones who keep me busy, thanks.

It takes an especially vile, hateful, bitch to seek out someone in such despair and write those words don’t you think? Would you want your wife spoken to like that? Charlie – how about some sympathy? And if you can’t bring yourself to offer that and only that, then leave it alone and get back to Punternet and moaning about the client that left skid marks on your bed sheets.

I’ve had a few calls from irate wives in my time that I have managed as respectfully and tactfully as possible. If I ever turn into Charlie, and get sucked in by the propaganda of a minority of punters who spend their days on forums blaming their wives for their own shortcomings, I will actually punch myself in the face.

So guys, given that your wives/partners are almost certainly sneakier than you, if you enjoy this hobby and are in it for the long haul, and NOT because your wife is crap but because you love to have sex with other women, then for God’s sake cover your tracks. As can be seen time and time again, the results otherwise are heartbreaking. Worst still, your wife might be the next woman in line for phoney, nasty advice from a jaded old Northern witch.

7 thoughts on “Mum’s The Word

  1. peter says:

    Suzie

    Thanks for the thought provoking commentary!

    This space is indeed very complex. As a client of yours, and a married man your advice is sound. That said, relationships are extremely complex. I feel certain that were I ever to have the opportunity to have a proper chat with you I feel that we would have a productive dialogue on many of the points you raise.

    Speak to you soon.

    Many thanks,
    xxx

  2. Emma says:

    Fantastic post Suzy! You raise some great points. I love reading your blog and am definitely going to be keeping up to date with it 🙂

    I miss you ladies, hope everyone is well

    XXXX

  3. Henri Bik says:

    Dear Suzy,

    This post interested me so I read all 282 posts on this subject on mumsnet.com

    Actually I found that only CharieGirl1 addresses the problem properly, though not very politely. (However you roughed up her post a bit.)

    Basically CharlieGril1 advises ‘numbandsad to enter into an open relationship with her husband and find out what service he seeks and pays for with an escort’.

    As to my opnion: She may then decide
    1.. if she can provide that service herself or
    2.. allow him to go and keep hiring it elsewhere or
    3. separate from him

    That in my opinion is the most practical way to tackle this problem. I need not tell you that therapy would not heal his desire for sexual services that he so far does not get from his wife.

    The majority of posts on that forum show ladies that do not understand that sex and emotional love are generally not the same thing for most men.

    It amazes me that you condemn Charlie for giving the only practical advice on this matter to ‘numbandsad’ .

    Kind regads from, Henri Bik, France

    • Suzanne Murphy says:

      Hello Henri,

      I disagree, naturally. I think Charlie girl is a nasty little bitch. And just like her clients’ wives stay out of her internet support space, I believe she should stay out of theirs.

      As for your comments, all they show is a lack of understanding of how a wife (your wife maybe) would view infidelity with an escort. You also write like it’s a problem that she, the wife, needs to fix. Have you ever considered that maybe the husband holds some blame too? That maybe the husband needs to make some changes?

      Regards sex and emotional love, I can assure you that having had sex with hundreds of men myself, in very many cases, sex and emotional love are very closely linked. Very few of my clients were really after a quick fuck. Most wanted more. I hear this again and again as an agency owner too.

      Most of you gents are just as emotionally needy when it comes to sex as women. Don’t kids yourselves that it’s not the case. And don’t try and kid me either.

      Regardless of our disagreement, thanks for taking the time to comment.

      Suzy

  4. Henri Bik says:

    Thanx for your answer Suzy, however I think your opinion on Charliegirl (“I think Charlie girl is a nasty little bitch”) is harsh and not justified:

    I also read of her:
    “Numbandsad, don’t take the the get divorced automatic hooker and man haters as good advisors. Don’t take a hooker’s advice either as the one who can save your relationship. Just work on it together, hopefully you’ll get through this and everything will work out for you and your family”

    And that dear Suzy… seems like a thoughtful advice to me…

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