I’m going to cut right to the chase with this blog fellas: if you’re the sort of guy who doesn’t think having a good wash is essential before meeting an escort, we don’t want you as a customer. I don’t mean spraying a bit of Old Spice down your kecks either. I mean clothes off, in the shower, naked with soap rubbed everywhere.

You see we are happy with a lot of things. You don’t look like Brad Pitt? No problem (though if you do please call and ask to book Suzy). You’re socially awkward/incredibly shy? No problem. You’re overweight? No problem. You’re old enough to be our grandfather? No problem. But turning up to a booking in the same suit you’ve been wearing all day, with your cock and balls stinking of piss? PROBLEM.

Most clients make one hell of an effort before meeting an escort and it’s very much appreciated. The ladies themselves spend no less than an hour getting ready for each booking, often longer, making sure they are immaculately groomed. I don’t expect the same amount of effort from you gents, but I do expect you to be perfectly clean. By which I mean well showered in the immediate hour before the booking, not earlier that day!

I will never understand a man who is willing to spend hundreds of pounds booking an escort (in a recent case £1200 to be exact), only to turn up to a booking so dirty that the lady is loathe to go anywhere near him. Telling her to rub the white gunk under your foreskin away with a baby wipe won’t cut it either. If it turns out to be me in the booking with you (and yes, I am an undercover boss from time to time), you’ll find your pack of baby wipes shoved up your arse.

So, some ground rules for the occasional stinker that graces my agency with a booking:-

If you turn up to your booking clearly unwashed (boys, we always know when you haven’t washed), you will be asked to shower and clean yourself thoroughly. No less than 10 minutes in the shower will suffice and it will done in your booking time. Bear in mind that being told you stink by your date is a real passion killer for both parties, so expect to feel embarrassed for the rest of the booking.

If you refuse to shower and wash thoroughly, my lady has two options. The first option is to offer you a reduced service – no oral sex or kissing at all. We are talking a very basic service, not something we would ever dream of providing normally. Our service is delivered with passion each and every time. We aim to make you feel like a million dollars. But if you can’t be arsed to wash, we’ll make you feel like 10 dollars tops.

The second option is my lady walks, taking with her a fee to cover her fuel and travelling time.

We don’t want your booking to be crap, we really don’t. We love our customers. We want you to use our agency again and again. We want the girls to text us afterwards telling us what a pleasure you were to spend time with (as often happens), and not how they gagged when they went near your cock because it was smelly. So pleeeeeeeease make sure you’ve showered properly before a meeting. And if you can’t be bothered to do that, don’t waste your money booking one of our ladies, because we simply won’t tolerate you, you dirty bastard.

2 thoughts on “Gentlemen, Your Willies!

  1. simon davies says:

    Hey Suzy!

    You were right about not pulling any punches with this post. It’s really quite bizarre that a guy would pay to see an escort but not have a shower beforehand.

    Luckily, being a male escort for women I never need to worry about this issue. Ladies always turn up looking and smelling pristine – just as if they were going on a ‘real’ date.

  2. Garry says:

    ‘Gentlemen’ isn’t a term I would ever apply to those for whom considerate hygiene isn’t foremost.
    ‘Revolting scumbags’ would be better ;)!…of the kind also represented by short-changers. I always start out scrubbed as a babies bum and happily overpay (tip) for every delightful privilege of the experience I’ve ever had.
    That one would wish to be anything other than as attractive as possible to the girls leaves me astonished. Even if your off to a flying start in the looks, power stakes!
    It really is a kind of casual misogyny…horrible behaviour….you know who you are, shame on you.

    Suzy, I love your attitude and look forward to using your services soon. What a delightful group of stunning girls!

    Garry

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