You’ve probably noticed that the lovely Elite girls have all been busy lately filling out questionnaires on the Elite Courtesans blog. The idea being that their answers will help you better understand their personalities, and maybe aid you in your decision of who to book. I thought I would have a go at it too, since I wrote the questions and it’s turned out to be good fun. So, here goes…

What’s your occupation?
Owner of Elite Courtesans. I run the agency with my Brazilian best friend, Lisa (pronounced Lee-za). We also dabble in web design and SEO. Usually some other hair-brained scheme on the go too.

Star Sign
Cancer

Which other Elite girls have you met in person?
All of them of course! We interview the girls in person, we join them at their photoshoots and we also hold parties and get-togethers.

What turns you on?
Loads of different things, but nothing traditional. Being turned on by things outside of the norm is I guess what makes someone cut out for this kind of work. My big TV crush is Tony Soprano. Go figure. Maybe it’s a bad boys thing?

What turns you off?
Arrogance (yes, I know some of you think I’m arrogant). Passive-aggressive behaviour. Attempts to patronise me.

Favourite drink?
It used to be Jack Daniels. Nowadays a glass of Sauvignon Blanc or a Gin & Tonic will suffice (Hendricks please). For cocktails it’s the Caipirinha – the best I’ve tasted being at Gauchos in Piccadilly. I’m a notorious binge drinker so I try not to touch alcohol that often. Most times I do, I wake up the next day in a skip with a cone on my head. In times past I’ve done things that would make Keith Richards blush.

Most beautiful/interesting/favourite place in the world you’ve visited and why:
I’m lucky to have travelled a lot, but I think my absolute favourite place is New York. Flying into JFK, jumping in a cab, driving through Queens and then BAM, that skyline hits you. Fucking hell, it’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen. I love the place. Second to that, anywhere in the Indian Ocean where I can snorkel and scuba dive to my heart’s content. I love the ocean and marine life.

You’re on death row (probably for shagging some poor guy to death). You can choose one last meal and one movie to watch while you eat it. Name them:
I probably didn’t get to the shagging part. He probably said something to offend me so I bludgeoned him with my handbag. Food wise, I’m going to have a steak, chunky chips and a tomato and red onion salad soaked in salt, vinegar and oil. My movie would be The Big Lebowski, dude! Aside from being a wonderfully clever and funny film, its soundtrack heavily features Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of my all time fav bands.

Do you have a favourite author?
I love Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Robert Rankin and Spike Milligan. But my all time favourite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse 5 is such a tremendous book, it should be read by everyone (come on, it will be the best £4.77 you’ve ever spent). I’m a history graduate, so I also love historical non-fiction, especially anything on the English Civil War, and the First and Second World Wars. Lastly, Motley Crue’s The Dirt is a cracking read. Buy it, take it on holiday, whatever. Those guys were mental. You don’t have to like their shit hair metal to LOVE this book (though I do).

If ITV (or even Hollywood) made a TV series about your escorting escapades, who would you like to see play the lead role?
I don’t really look like any famous person, dead or alive. A date once moaned that I looked nothing like Cindy Crawford. Given that I never once made any claims that I did look like her (because I don’t), the complaint came as a bit of shock. So I’ll go with her.

If you were a car, what type would you be and why?
Who wrote this bloody stupid question? Ummm, I’d have to say a carefully maintained Renault 5 GT Turbo in electric blue. Way past its sell by date, but still a glorious machine with loads of poke.

We know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but what other less extravagant gifts make you smile?
I’m not particularly materialistic, but I do have a hideous Rolex watch fetish. I guess that’s still pretty extravagant though. Ah well, tough.

Stockings or hold ups?
Neither. Nora Batty opaque tights and big pair of bloomers.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?
While the Stones wrote some corkers, the Beatles are wonderfully diverse and so much better.

Lisa or Suzy?
Suzy any day of the week. Lisa smells.

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